Jimmy Buffett Day Cupcakes

I didn’t intend on posting another recipe so soon. Frankly, my kitchen was still trashed from my last foray into culinary geniusness.  However, as I rolled out of bed this morning looking like the super model I am, The Man casually reminded me I intended to make cupcakes for work tomorrow.  Why would the self proclaimed ‘Queen of Sarcasm LLC’ make cupcakes for her coworkers?  Solid question peeps. It isn’t FOR them. Monday is Jimmy Buffett Day. So, I celebrate by making cupcakes because drinking at work will get you fired.

This year I decided to make Pink Lemonade Cupcakes. With, shocker, pink lemonade icing.

Let’s start with the cupcakes.

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Line your muffin pan with paper baking cups. (This recipe makes about 12 larger sized cupcakes)

The List

1 box white cake mix – don’t use the kind with pudding in the mix it mucks things up

1 cup water

3 egg whites

1/3 cup thawed frozen pink lemonade concentrate

2 TB canola oil

Red food coloring 4-6 drops is sufficient to make the batter pink

Throw this all into your mixer and beat at medium speed until well blended.

(Aside from my love affair with my crockpots, I also lurrrve the heck out of this green machine. Seriously, I would go to war over this mixer. Or with it, in which case there would always be cupcakes in war zones)

Fill your muffin cups 2/3 of the way full. I use a ¼ measuring cup for this process.

(I doubled the recipe that is why there are 24 cupcakes)

Bake 18 – 22 minutes

Spend this time cleaning your mixer or mocking the movie on tv, your choice. Though it would be helpful if you were able to multitask, because you will need the mixer again.

Let cool completely.

Frosting

1 stick unsalted butter, softened
2 3/4 cups powdered sugar
1/2 tsp salt
1 TB plus 1 tsp whole milk
1 tsp pure vanilla extract
3 TB plus 1 tsp fresh lemon juice

Cream butter and salt together on low for like 30 seconds. 30 seconds is longer than you think. I tried to be quiet for 30 seconds once. Not easy.

Add ½ of the powdered sugar and all of the milk, beat until happy. Or combined. Whatever. Scrape the sides of the mixing bowl to ensure maximum happiness.

Add the rest of the powdered sugar, vanilla, and lemon juice. Beat on med until combined. Scrapes sides of bowl again. Now turn your mixer to high and beat frosting until it is fluffy.  Add 3-4 drops of red food coloring and continue to beat on high for approx. 1 minute. Which is twice as long as I can be quiet for.

It is best to use this immediately.  You can store it in the fridge and it will keep for like a week. But seriously, who doesn’t frost their cupcakes for a week. That doesn’t make sense.

For frosting I use Wilton frosting bags and a large star piping tip. Frankly you could fill a plastic sandwich bag, cut the tip off, and get the same result in the end. Don’t make it harder than it needs to be. People will stuff these into their faces and smile regardless of how you got the frosting onto the darn cupcake. (I didn't take pictures of this process. It was messy, there was frosting everywhere. The dogs seemed to enjoy the frosting that fell on the floor, and trust me they are my worst critics.)

And you are done.

How artistic sideways pictures are.  Get used to them folks they are here to stay.

I took it one step further. Because it is Jimmy Buffett Day we are celebrating, I turned these into Cupcakes in Paradise. What your eyes are feasting on are my delicious cupcakes topped with tiny umbrella’s and gummy cheeseburgers. Cheeseburger in Paradise being an epic song by Jimmy Buffett.  Go ahead and google it. I will wait. Now you are fully prepared to partake of these cupcakes.

Love and snarkiness,

S&F

Pulled Pork of Awesomeness

So. I thought that the first recipe that I shared should be epic and easy. Which truly describes all of my recipes.  So, I went to The Man and asked what sounded good.  He said I hadn’t made him pulled pork in a while. Bazinga! Pulled Pork of Awesomeness it is.

Let’s start with the basics. Pulled Pork of Awesomeness is easy, easy, easy.  The trick is to make it look hard. Because then people will think you are some sort of food genius. And really, isn’t that what it is all about?

Step one: Pick the right roast. For epic Pulled Pork of Awesomeness (PPOA from now on because typing that out makes me tired) you need to start with a pork shoulder roast. Some places may call it pork shoulder picnic roast. Bone-in, boneless, truly some say it makes a difference. I find the difference to be all price related. For today’s recipe we have a bone-in roast. 

The List:

• 7-9 lb pork shoulder roast
• ½ cup of your fave bbq sauce. I like Sweet Baby Rays. Because the Sauce is the Boss. No arguing with that logic.
• 1 large onion – quartered
• 2 TB minced garlic 
• 2 tsp cumin – this stuff is magical keep it handy for all sorts of stuff
• 2 TB salt
• 2-3 TB ground pepper – fresh ground is better. Trust me.
• 1 TB white pepper
• 1 TB chili powder
• 3 TB olive oil
• ¼ cup white wine vinegar

Take out your food processor.  I will wait.

Basically throw everything but the roast into the chopper. Chop it until it is a delicious smelling mess.

Rinse your roast.

Put the roast into a deep roaster pan. I used my turkey roaster today. When lazy I get the disposable baking pans at the Dollar Store, because I do not have a maid, and clean up is not the fun part of cooking.

Coat the roast with all the delicious muck from the chopper. Use your hands to make sure both sides get all coated with the muck. It is like soup, it will slide about. That's normal, or at least normal for my cooking. Cover tightly with tin foil. Let no delicious air escape.

Once covered set in refrigerator over night. This is where the magic happens. The spices mingle with each other, the roast gets happy.  Think of it like a family reunion where everyone is happy and crazy cousin Carl is still in jail and doesn't mess things up.  I digress, yumminess happens over night so this is a crucial step. Don't skip this step unless you are prepared to be responsible for the end of the world. Just sayin.


In the morning when you wake up, after you drink your coffee, Red Bull or hair of the dog, throw the happy roast in your crock pot. Yes. I said it. Crock. Pot. I have a deep and meaningful love affair with my crock pots, 4, and yes, The Man is aware of this. You may have to trim the roast a little bit to fit, but life isn't perfect cupcake, so chop away.  Cook this monster on high for 6-7 hours. Check at 6 hours to see if it is fork tender. Fork tender is when you hack at it with two forks and it falls apart. When that happens, lower the heat to warm.

(My fave crock pot. It has a direct link to my heart.)


Shred the meat. I don’t enjoy this part. If I ask nicely The Man will shred stuff for me. Compliment his muscles. That usually works. Shred it in the crock pot, less mess that way, and messes suck. 


Once shredded let rest for like 20 minutes. Give it time to suck up the juices. Drink some wine or something in the mean time.

I serve this on nice, fresh rolls. Or, if I forget to pick up nice, fresh rolls I go to 7-11 and get hamburger buns. Why? Because PPOA will make those cheap ass buns taste like deliciousness. It’s that good. Trust me.



(Imagine this was taken with a camera other than my cell - ooooohhhh pretty)



Now for an aside. I spent a lot of time in North Carolina. Some of it against my will thanks to my Uncle Sam. However, one thing I did learn to appreciate was their BBQ sauce.  It is a blend of vinegar and mustard that will make you want to slap somebody. True story, I once saw two old ladies duking it out over this sauce recipe. And because I am such an awesome person, I will share it with you to prevent further violence.


Slap Somebody Carolina BBQ Sauce


You are gonna need:

• 4 TB butter
• 1/2 onion, grated
• 1/2 cup yellow mustard - you can sub spicy mustard if you feel froggy
• 1/2 cup brown sugar
• 1/2 cup cider vinegar
• 1 TB dry mustard
• 1 tsp cayenne
• 1 bay leaf
• 1 tsp black pepper
• 1 tsp white pepper
• 1 TB soy sauce

Melt butter until bubbly.  Saute onions but don't let them get brown. Add the rest of the ingredients. Simmer for 30 minutes. Wait for the magic to happen. It will. 

I will not be held responsible for any slapping or fights that my happen because of this sauce, consider yourselves warned.




(This picture is sideways because of the wine)


Usually this meal is served with potato salad.  Because it's tasty.  Well, mine is tasty, I can't speak to anyone else's. Maybe I will post that recipe in a bit. But, I'm gonna finish this bottle of wine first.


Love and Snarkiness,


S&F

An introduction of sorts...or, Welcome to Mr. Toads Wild Ride

I guess I should start with an introduction of sorts.

Hello Internetz!

I come in peace. Mostly. Sometimes I am cranky or snarky, but mostly I am just someone who enjoys cooking, but I find recipes boring. Or difficult. Or unrealistic. Or some weird combination of the previous. So I take recipes and simplify them. You don’t need special tools, or to shop at special stores for ingredients.
 

Life is too short to run all over the town looking for shit.

I don’t claim to be an expert, just a foodie with a Fireman for a husband. He seems to be thriving, so I might move on to growing plants in a bit. Until then just know that most of my recipes will be meat based with carb sides… because I am told regularly vegetables are for people who don’t like cows.  Oh, don’t expect a lot of breakfast food from me, as I am usually running late for work and never eat breakfast, and on the weekends I sleep in. I like sleep as much as I like food, and sarcasm. Yeah.

I will post unartistic pictures, most likely taken with my cell phone because I forget where I put my digi cam, but NEVER forget where my cell is, of my real kitchen, getting really trashed, while I make delicious food and get really trashed.  I am pretty awesome like that.

Welcome to my world!